The Cave

The Cave is a pretty standard Survivor Movie. Nine people adventure down into some dangerous, beautifully-lit cave system in Romania. There they run into trouble in the form of giant, slimey bat-like creatures that chase them back to the surface. But - oh no! The cave entrance has collapsed and they can't escape through the same way they entered. That's pretty much the only plot point ever used in cave movies, but that's not all there is to this movie. The Cave does at least give us a cool sci-fi twist which leads to a head-scratching ending.

Synopsis: Deep in the Romanian forest, a team of scientists stumbles upon the ruins of a 13th-century abbey. On further inspection, they make a startling discovery - the abbey is built over the entrance to a giant underground cave system. Local biologists believe the cave could be home to an undiscovered ecosystem, so they hire a group of American cave explorers to help them investigate its depths. But what they find deep inside the caves is not just a new ecosystem, but an entirely new species altogether.
Ok, so i've already ruined it; the exploration team runs into these giant bat-like creatures that kill them off one by one. But this should not have come as much of a surprise. I think most people will tell you that this movie is horrible. I agree that the acting is sub par, and the drama/suspense doesn't make any sense at times. But something about this movie places it high on my list and I think it's the overall adventure with the formulaic Survivor element thrown in. The Cave is the epitome of a traditional Survivor Movie. The acting could have been better, but my one complaint is the missing explanation of why the [deep underground] caves are so beautifully lit! Seriously, the caves have this luminescent blue glow all around. I have read the book Subterranean by James Rollins, which is similar in plot. In Subterranean, Rollins makes an effort to point out that the caves are covered with this luminescent fungus stuff that provides an erie glow throughout. The movie is missing this and I think most skeptics wonder the whole time, "who turned on the lights?" Which is funny because the whole movie is science fiction yet we still require some things remain believable and explainable.

Explorers:

Jack (Cole Hauser) the leader of the cave explorers. He's credited for inventing a rebreather that can last 24 hours, which will help explain how they can last so long down in the caves.


Tyler (Eddie Cibrian) is Tyler's brother. He's better looking and more likeable, so i'd place your bets on him.



Charlie (Piper Perabo) is a daddy's little rock climber show-off. A female rock climber who looks like this is destined for a movie role.



Briggs (Rick Ravanello) is a rough 'n tough cave diver. We learn the group discovered him on the dance floor?



Top Buchanan (Morris Chestnut) is 4 words: Remains Calm Under "Pressure"




Dr. Kathryn Jennings (Lena Headey) is a cave biologist.




Dr. Nikolai (Marcel Lures) is a cave biologist from Romania.




Strode (Kieran Darcy-Smith) is a sonar expert.




Alex Kim (Daniel Dae Kim) is a camera man hired to film the exploration.


Movie Clip:



Click here for Spoilers

First Victim: Strode. He separates from the group while scubaing through an underwater passage way. When he surfaces he's alone in a cavern where he's attacked and killed from a cave monster.

Second Victim: Dr. Nikolai. When the group goes down the rock water slide (ala The Goonies!) he gets injured and taken under by a cave monster.

Third Victim: Charlie. She eagerly scales a rock wall until she runs into a cave monster up top. She jumps across to an adjacent wall but the cave monster follows and slashes her to death.

Fourth Victim: Briggs. Killed from a cave monster after the final 6 split into two groups of three.

Fifth Victim: Alex. While running from a flying cave monster, a stalactite falls and stabs him through his leg. He falls and the cave monster swoops in for the kill.

Sixth Victim: Jack. Earlier Jack is cut from a cave monster and slowly he is becoming one of them (the movie twist!). He dies fighting other cave monsters at the end so the others can escape.

Survivors: Tyler, Top and Kathryn. The twist is that if the cave virus gets into your blood stream you will begin mutating into the cave monster. Kathryn escapes with a cut and we learn she is infected with the virus. DUN DUN DUN.

Alien vs. Predator

My expectations of Alien Vs. Predator went up and down. I was excited at first. I am a huge fan of the Alien movies. Predator is good but I don't even own it. As I was about to see Alien Vs. Predator I realized...."Ummmm this is gonna suck. There's now way they can do a 'VS' movie and make it work. It'll just be ridiculous and embarassing and everyone will hate it!" But needless to say, I found AVP to be extremely well done. There's really nothing wrong with it in terms of being a movie about predators vs aliens. If you went in expecting something else then you're a fool. The backstory may be a bit hoaky but do realize, again, that it's a movie about predators fighting aliens. I think it's the best damn movie about predators fighting aliens ever made!

Synopsis: It may be our planet but it's their war! The deadliest creatures from the scariest sci-fi movies ever made face off for the first time on film. The incredible adventure begins when the discovery of an ancient pyramid buried in Antarctica sends a team of scientists and adventurers to the frozen continent. There, they make an even more terrifying discovery: two alien races engaged in the ultimate battle. Whoever wins...we lose.

What I adore about this movie is the adventure-bound team. It's my favorite ingredient in a Survivor Movie. Weyland Industries discover a temple hidden deep under the ice. They don't really have any reason to dig down and explore this temple, they're just curious explorers. They take everything very seriously. The archeologists can't determine if the temple is Aztec, Mayan or what, but what they soon learn is that it's a temple used for a great hunt. The humans then provide a breeding ground for the Aliens and the Predators are there on a hunting trip. Yea, something like that.

Cast:

Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan) is an environmental guide and ice climber hired to lead the team through the ice.


Charles Weyland (Lance Henriksen) is the founder of Weyland Industries. Noteably, this is the character that the android Bishop from Aliens was modeled after (same actor).

Max Stafford (Colin Salmon) is Weyland's assistant and organizes the expedition.



Sebastian (Raoul Bova) is an archeaology professor. He's there to provide insight on ancient pyramids.


Miller (Ewen Bremner) is a chemical engineer along to help scientifically date the discoveries.


Thomas (Sam Troughton) is an archeologist able to translate hieroglyphics.



Quinn (Carsten Norgaard) is the cool drilling team leader.



Verheiden (Tommy Flanagan) is a novel member of the exploration team.



Rousseau (Agathe De la Boulaye) is a member of the exploration team just bursting with energy.


Connors (Joseph Rye) is a member of the exploration team who enjoys sticky situations.


Stone (Petr Jakl) is a rising member of the exploration team.



Bass (Pavel Bezoek) is the bullseye of the exploration team.



Plus there are about 8 more unidentifiable people who aren't worth mentioning.

Movie Clip:



Click here for Spoilers

First Victims: Quinn and his 4-member drilling team stay topside as the rest of the explorers go deep under the ice towards the temple. Quinn and his team get slaughtered by Predators.

Second Victims: Rousseau, Thomas and a small team get trapped in the Alien "sacrificial chamber." They all get impregnated by the Alien pods and die when the Aliens burst from their chests.

Next Victim: Stone. A Predator snags him around the neck.

Next Victim: Bass. A Predator throws a spear through his chest.

Next Victim: Connors. Trapped in a dark tunnel, he's attacked and killed by an Alien.

Next Victim: Verheiden. Captured and killed by an Alien.

Next Victim: Max. A Predator snares him in a razor sharp net then impales him with a spear.

Next Victim: Weyland. Stabbed by a Predator.

Next Victim: Miller. He was captured by an Alien earlier, but now he's seen cocooned and jumped by Alien pods killing him as a host.

Next Victim: Sebastian. He's captured and impregnated by an Alien. Lex shoots him at his request.

Survivor: Lex (Alexa)

Winner: Predator? Predators win but then an Alien bursts from the last predators chest aboard the predator ship, thus leading into the sequel.

Alien vs Predator Tally: It's hard to get an exact human body count because we don't know exactly how many people are killed cataloging the sacrificial chamber (see Second Victims). I estimate it to be about 9 human deaths caused by Predators, and 9 human deaths caused by Aliens.

The Eliminator

Seven people. One Island. Hunted Alive. One Winner.

*orgasms*

Synopsis: Ex-Navy SEAL, Dakota Varley risks his life when he is chosen to be a "contestant" in a 10 million dollar winner-take-all hunt to the death. To win this ultimate game of survival, you just have to be the last man remaining alive. Fighting for his life in a jungle as dangerous as the hunters he faces, Varley must call upon all the training he has ever known, but still, nothing has ever prepared him for this. In this game of survival, you can't get voted off the island, you can only die there...

*Spoiler Alert* the most dangerous thing found in this "jungle" might be poison ivy.

The Eliminator is not a good movie. It's so bad that it's a GREAT movie! I was entertained through every minute. The hilariously bad acting from Paul Logan is B-Movie gold. It's topped off by the so over-the-top acting from G. Anthony Joseph (he's not one of the contestants). Most of the "actors" in this movie are stunt doubles and they even include a UFC fighter. Fans of horribly great B-movies will love The Eliminator.

The Eliminator came out three years before The Condemned. The only difference between both movies is this features contestants being hunted, whereas in The Condemned they must kill each other. The Condemned was probably better just due to the fact that The Eliminator was straight to DVD. Everything else feels pretty much the same right down to the music played on the DVD menu.

The game of survival features 7 people captured against their will to be hunted alive on an "island" (The "island" is only an island from the CGI aerial shots). Each hunter is only given two bullets. Each contestant's survival is being gambled on by a group of big-shot millionaires. Chances are the winning contestant will not get a dime as we learn in the opening scene that the diabolical man running this, Miles Dawson (Michael Rooker), does not like to pay up. The stakes are high for the rich gamblers because once their contestant is eliminated, they lose their bets. While there's a lot of neck-snapping action down on the island, the gamblers get busy snapping at each other with insults and conspiracy theories.

Contestants:

Jesse Jenkins (Paul Logan). He's a Kendo Expert and a DEA from Central America. He got sold out on the job and captured to compete.




Santha Torres (Danielle Burgio). She's a freedom fighter who trains men and women to kill. She's also a rebel insurgent and an expert at Guerrilla warfare. Not to mention she claims she killed 14 men before they could capture her. (wow, this is hilarious!)


Tonya Coyne (Vicki Phillips). A special forces drill instructor. She's an expert at hand-to-hand combat and explosives. It's Bazooka Barbie!




Seth Kwong (Phi-Long Nguyen). He's an undercover police officer and Wu Shu specialist. He was my pick for winner.




Darius Blake (Jamal Duff). He's a convict taken from a prison in Kosova. They couldn't find any other black guy I guess.




Salvador Montoya (Marco Ruas). He's a Medy Yeins drug cartel (a what?) and interrogator.




Dakota Varley (Bas Rutten). A desert storm Huey pilot according to his bio. An Ex-Navy SEAL according to the plot synopsis. So he's just simply amazing. He enjoys kickboxing, cage fighting and long walks on the beach.




Movie Clip:



Click here for Spoilers

First Victim: Seth. His neck is snapped almost immediately by Darius.

Second Victim: Salvador. He and Varley get into a UFC rematch fist brawl. Varley snaps Salvy's neck with the help of Jesse.

Third Victim: Tonya. The hunters finally arrive and snipe down Tonya during the night.

Fourth Victim: Santha. When Varley and Santha are engaging in some sort of dirty sex with their clothes on, Jesse clubs Santha from behind with a stick. She had a knife and was about to kill Varley. Jesse gives the line: "You thought with the wrong head" (lol)

Fifth Victim: Darius. Darius shoots Jesse with his only bullet (taken from a hunter) then fights hand-to-hand with Varley. Varley wins and snaps Darius' neck. Jesse survives the bullet wound.

Survivors: Varley and Jesse. This cute bromance breaks into the hosts compound, kills a bunch of the baddies who set them up, and then ride off together in a helicopter.

This photo was taken from the Making-Of DVD Featurette. I think it explains everything...

My Little Eye

My Little Eye just may be the longest hour and thirty minutes of your life. Or if you're interested in hard-core scary films (ones that serve no entertainment value aside from being scary) then you may just love My Little Eye. If you're someone who subscribes to those online Big Brother feeds and you can spend long periods of time watching people chit chat about nothing AND you like dark, chilling, depressing movies, then you may also love My Little Eye. This movie is basically: Big Brother: The Horror Movie. I remember several years back MTV did that scripted version of the Real World where people were mysteriously murdered. I wish I could find that because I probably would have enjoyed it more than My Little Eye.

Synopsis: Five strangers are cast to spend six months in a house, with their every move broadcast on the web. If no one leaves before six months are up, they'll split a million dollars. It's the newest in reality entertainment, but it may be the last thing those five people ever do. Each of them is being put to the test by outside forces which prey on their worst fears. Is it all a challenge to see if they'll last? Or, is someone playing a deadly game with their lives?

It's MTV's The Real World crossed with the Blair With Project. The five 20-somethings are trapped in this dark, old house out in the middle of nowhere. The house is very dull and dreary looking; It really sets the mood of the movie. There are little web cams all over the house. They talk a lot. There isn't really any action in the movie aside from two people having sex at one point. It gets a little interesting when the cast is thrown some messages from the outside world. One guy gets a letter that a family member died. One girl gets a message from some psycho she has a bad history with. Some of the cast believe these things are just ploys from "The Company" (the people running the operation) to try and tempt them out of the house. They seriously think that the whole world is watching them and that one day they'll all be famous. That is, until, a stranger actually stumbles upon the house. He tells them that he's never heard of their web show despite practically living online himself. The houseguests grow suspicious and somehow crack into some internet connection and try to find their show's website. What they find is not what they expected...

Cast:

Matt (Sean CW Johnson) is the good-looking jock. He's quiet, calm and doesn't attempt to hook up with either of the girls.

Rex (Kris Lemche) is the punk. He let's us know he's only there for the money and will stop at nothing to prevent the others from leaving.

Emma (Laura Regan) is the girl next door. She's sweet and innocent but with a dark past that comes back to haunt her.

Danny (Stephen O'Reilly) is the quiet guy. He has a crush on Emma.

Charlie (Jennifer Sky) is the slutty girl. She loves showing off her body and hopes to be famous.

Click here for Spoilers

The Twist: What they find out online is that they are part of a snuff reality show. Rich sickos are paying to watch them get killed. Matt was hired to kill the other 4.

First Victim: Danny. He gets depressed when Emma accuses him of stealing her panties (it really was the stranger Travis who slept over one night). She basically rejects him and he's found the next morning hanging from the ceiling in a noose.

Second Victim: Charlie. Matt suffocates her with a plastic bag putting on a show for the camera.

Third Victim: Rex. Matt chops off his head with an axe.

Fourth Victim: Matt. When "The Company" arrive, they lock Emma in some room. Then the Company dude shoots Matt in the head.

Fifth Victim? Emma. The movie ends with her trapped. An alternate ending has her escaping.

The Ruins

I stumbled across the book The Ruins through Amazon.com's suggestive advertising during the summer of 2007. It sounded interesting and up my ally. I'm always looking for great Survivor books as well as movies. I bought the book about 6 months before I even learned they were making a movie, but I didn't read it right away. As soon as I saw a preview for the movie I quickly tried to finish the current book I was reading (what a bore it was) and start on The Ruins. Once I started reading The Ruins I could not put it down; it was that good! Not extremely exciting, but written very well.

The movie, on the other hand, was a different experience. I'm not a fan of standing behind cliches, but yea, the book was better. It's the same basic story in both the movie and book - at least they didn't try to change that - but the fact that they changed the ending just to appease "stupid" American audiences is what really made me dislike the movie. It ruined the movie. There were a couple other things including a rushed feeling that the movie gave off, which I think could have been done better. I don't blame the movie for rearranging what happens to who because I'm sure they wanted to create some surprise for people who had read the book.

Synopsis: When a group of tight-knit college friends visit the site of an undisturbed Mayan ruin, they stumble into an ancient trap: an unspoken evil waiting to drag its victims into an endless nightmare. As fear and paranoia eat away at their sanity, their only chance at escape is to commit the unthinkable.

My favorite element of The Ruins is without a doubt the herbal antagonist. I think I can safely say that The Ruins will be the only movie to appear on this blog that features killer plants! What happens is the 6 friends get too close to the ruins (pictured above), which is heavily populated with these docile man-eating vines. These vines get in you. They suffocate you. They suck you dry. Once the college friends step foot on the ruins, an army of local Mayans surround them and prevent them from leaving for the fear of carrying the evil vine's seed outside the quarantined vicinity (notice the moat of salt surrounding the ruins). The friends get stuck atop the ruins waiting for someone to come and rescue them before starvation or the vines kill them first.

Cast:

Amy (Jena Malone) is Jeff's girlfriend. She's hesitant on traveling to the ruins but persuaded into going.





Jeff (Jonathan Tucker) is Amy's boyfriend. He's the group leader and wants everyone to see something unique before leaving Mexico.


Eric (Shawn Ashmore) is Stacy's boyfriend. He's the most laid-back of the group.




Stacy (Laura Ramsey) is Eric's girlfriend and Amy's best friend. She tends to agree with whatever Amy says.


Mathias (Joe Anderson) is from Germany. His brother is an archaeologist with a dig site at the ruins and invites him to come visit. Mathias invites the others too.



Dimitri (Dimitri Baveas) is a Greek boy the group meets near their hotel. He tags along leaving his other Greek friends a map to follow later. He doesn't speak English.


Movie Scene:



Click here for Spoilers

The Ruins Movie
First Victim: Dimitri. Before they even climb the ruins, the Mayans kill him.

Second Victim: Mathias. He falls down the shaft breaking his back. The vines eat off his legs and later suffocate him.

Third Victim: Eric. Stacy goes crazy over the vines crawling inside her that she accidentally stabs Eric in the chest when he tries to stop her from cutting her own body open.

Fourth Victim: Stacy. Her body is so bloody and ripped open at this point from trying to cut the vines out from under her skin that the others put her out of her misery.

Fifth Victim: Jeff. He creates a distraction so Amy can escape. The Mayans shoot him in the chest with several arrows.

Survivor: Amy

The Ruins Book
First Victim: Amy. The vines suffocate her during the night when she sleeps outside the tent. They put her body in a sleeping bag and later are shocked to see the bag moving...

Second Victim: Dimitri (called Pablo in the book). He falls down the shaft breaking his back. The vines eat off his legs and later suffocate him.

Third Victim: Jeff. He tries to escape but the Mayans shoot him through the throat.

Fourth Victim: Mathias. Eric goes crazy over the vines crawling inside him that he accidentally stabs Mathias in the chest.

Fifth Victim: Eric. Eric is so bloody and beaten up at this point from trying to cut the vines out from under his skin that he asks Stacy to kill him.

Sixth Victim: Stacy. All alone and with no hope to escape she slits her wrists.

Survivors: None


Notice how in the movie they're killed in pretty much the reverse order of the credits (typical movie fashion) whereas the book is done almost randomly (uh hello? better!). The minute the story got under way I figured Dimitri would be the first to die and then Mathias. The movie followed suit and I was not surprised (yaaawn, yaaawn). The book astonished me. Etc, etc, I could go on and on with points that made the book better.